How music connects to our emotional state and where we hear it, is unique to the human experience. Being enthusiastic about music has been a personality trait of mine since I was a child, and the ways I continue to implement it into my daily life has only evolved as I mature and grow. Some days during my middle school years I was imagining myself in a music video or on stage with one of the lovely singing ladies I adored, but these days I am listening quietly while journaling or meditating. Headspace, that's it! I always need room in my head for insightful focus.
I remember the night before an important final exam in 7th grade, I was nervous to even open up my black and white checkered folder that was stuffed with practice sheets given to me during class over a period of weeks. The exam was math- spooky! In my head I heard the Halloween theme song and my eyes saw a mental image of floating numbers that I tried to put in the correct order, because being a perfectionist was a bad habit of mine during arithmetic lessons. I knew there would be everything from equations to range, median, and mode.
Feeling anxious at the thought of failure, I distracted myself. I didn't want to fail but I also didn't want to not study. I gave myself one hour of "Free listening time" to clear my head before studying. This was the year of 2012 and I still had a CD player. I had a 2010 digital radio from Best Buy equipped with a CD player, and I would use it daily after school to unwind. Math was stressful for me, and another stressor in my life was the bullying I used to face. Naturally, music was a happy thing for me to look forward to after class ended. In the early 2010s, there was no band I loved greater than No Doubt. I discovered the Sothern California rock band through a childhood friend who too, had struggles in a particular subject. Before I started studying for the huge math final, I played two of No Doubt's albums from start to finish. I know most music fans are hyped over the iconic 1995 album Tragic Kingdom, but 2000's Return of Saturn was my go-to favorite (and the reason why I wanted to dye my hair fun colors like pink or blue!). I then plugged in the 2001 dancehall album Rock Steady as a way to flip my perspective on the exam from boring to fun. My strategy did something right, because as I advanced academically I took this approach to future math classes: "Think of it as a colorful puzzle to solve".
I eventually ended up getting a 92 on the math final, and it was quite the celebration (and relief!).
The fear of failure has come up on me many times throughout my life, not just academically. It's a feeling that can isolate and paralyze us, since when fear arises, the natural response would be to feel able to talk to someone about it. However, not everyone is receptive to others' emotions and situations. How nice it would be though, if we all felt comfortable being more open to each other no matter if we have been in a particular situation or not.
Recently, I had to complete my thesis for graduate school, and I was nervous about doing the wrong thing. I was in the process of publishing and did not want to put the incorrect information into a file. I was fearful of slipping up and ruining my experience of something that I had worked hard on for many months.
One flaw I see in myself often is how hard I can be on myself. I judge myself too quickly sometimes, and I find myself afraid of doing something wrong. I have been working on fixing this lately, and the confidence I've been building is getting bigger with small steps. The freedom we have with eliminating fear from our daily routine and the tasks we complete, is self-care that brings peace for the mind.
Overall, using music to distract myself from difficult situations has helped me in dealing with anxiety and stress. Listening to music makes me happy the most, because I feel when we appreciate the artwork of others, we learn just how relatable it can be to us, and the importance of it on our own life stories.
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